It is not known whether the words of reconciliation spoken to Arsene Wenger by West Ham mentor Alan Pardew after Sunday's skirmish at the Boleyn Ground were filled with the same sincerity as Sir Alex's moved speech after the pathetic televised address of Kevin Keegan in 96th. Almost to tears, the offended coach of the “forty” shamed Alex Ferguson then, in the midst of the struggle for the championship in his own style, who declared that the rivals put up “MJ” more fierce resistance than “Newcastle”. “God, I sympathized with him so much,” the steering Mankunians honestly admitted later.
We may not find out exactly what Pardew said, during the celebration of the goal he galloped at the edge like a saiga, and thereby woke the beast in the neighboring technical zone. Although, after last year’s “important remarks” by the Arsenal trainer regarding racism, it’s worth assuming that the “hammer thief” mentor said something like “get it, Malcolm X *!” And after all I saw, the eternal question again began to concern me: who was the most crazy - Ferguson, Jose Mourinho or Wenger?
When Guardian readers get together, most of them, I have no doubt, are inclined to discuss more serious topics. For example, it seems to someone that the newspaper is biased against Chelsea, and someone got materials about judicial intrigues. But at heart, sometimes we just have enough desperate competitions in wit like "who has less fuel in the gas tank at one time or another race." Who has the greatest losses in the composition? Or how do you like it: which team plays in a new form? What, finally, is the connection between the seven cups won by Sir Alex and his numerous jerks to the edge?
Without pretending to be the ultimate truth, but taking the opinions of colleagues from other publications as allies, I come to the same conclusion each time: of the trio of experts, Arsen Wenger was most touched by the mind, of course. However, depending on the influence of hormonal cycles, any of these gentlemen can claim the title of the insane. Meanwhile, we still consider Mourinho to be completely sane. Analyzing the situation rationally, he demonstrates the most cold-blooded thinking in the world. But often loses at the same time attractiveness.
Ferguson's uncouthness on Fleet Street ** is traditionally due to a sluggish psychosis. But we are not inclined to see symptoms of porphyrin disease in disgust for journalists. Let's move on to the section “hypothetical situations”. How, for example, would Mourinho react if you met him on the street after Chelsea’s home defeat from Charlton and just wished you had a good evening?
Remembering the notorious black-and-white bracelets of the anti-racist campaign, instructing their Christian owners to behave in this or that situation in the same way as Jesus, one involuntarily asks the question: “What would Wenger do?” “Wenger? ..” - someone pretending to doubt the answer. The rest will not blink an eye: “Wenger? First, he will accuse you of anti-Semitism, and then squeals like a victim: “Hands off my straitjacket! Ten minutes later, a review of the Bundesliga begins, and if I miss it, I will never forgive you! ”(Inspired by the revelation of the“ Gunners ”commander-in-chief, who told his wife on his last birthday that they could go out for dinner only if the restaurant is a stone's throw from the house, in the northern part of London, so that he could have time to return and watch live, rather than on record, the best match of the tour.)
Even if you are over 25 and have no problems communicating with the outside world, you will be advised not to rant about the hardships of modern football, in particular, about the pressure exerted on coaches. Whether this or that degree of insanity is a characteristic feature for all the English Premier League mentors does not bother us. As well as the statements that "molehills have yet to turn into Everests" do not stand up to criticism, you just have to wait. Or that money or the media are to blame. If the issue of “who has made the most of” is necessary to protect one’s moral purity, then this is as stupid as proving a person’s independence from the “second self”.
* Malcolm X is the leader of African-American nationalists.
** Fleet Street is a street in London, a symbol of the British press.
Translation by Andrey KARNAUKHOV